So just in case you have time to miss me here is a little special post for you guys. Especially my friend Bec, who is starting to be a bit of an Internet ninja, likes to roll on the floor laughing  (gonna have to find a new place to do this in our new house) and because she likes to say ‘Oh Fay!‘ alot.  Also, to the wonderful Nancy, as she needs a special thanks for putting up with everything, and because I think I used to be able to make her laugh, with some of the things that happened to me.  I was gonna make a little video, but i havent got enough things collected together yet, and my room doesn’t look that pretty right now (clothes are thrown everywhere, and i have already stood on my straighteners twice), and its started to rain, so you will have to wait a little while.

Here is some random image, none of me as i look like a alcoholic in most…

I was gonna give you some music, but appaerently songs are too large, so heres a list:

• BOB- Magic (featuring Rivers Cuomo)
• 3OH!3 – My first kiss
• The Futures -  This is the boy who cried wolf
• Kylie Minogue – All The Lovers
• Boy Like Girls – Love Drunk
• Example – kickstarts
• Enrique Iglesias – I like it
• Kelly Rowland- Commander

…and two …erm drawings, of somethat recently happened on the same night, ill let you guys figure out what happened as i cant explain, i have a plane to catch.  Click the image to get them bigger.  (there is another drawing not sure if it shows up, but if you open this one, and then change it to ‘draw1′, you’ll see it.

I was gonnna write more but im like leaving now, so adios mis amigos.

So, anyway my dad decided that he had to shout me out of bed this morning.  Apparently, being 19 doesn’t give you the luxury on deciding when you can get out of bed.  Its not like i stay in bed till 10, im always up and out of bed by 9, im awake by half 8.  But i just lay and watch tv and wake up properly.  I can’t just set my alarm, and get up out of bed at that time.  I just feel shit all day.  So then, me and dad had a argument, about him waking me up in the morning.  Seriously, if he just let me get up he could add like another hour onto his day….and would get alot more done.

So, the day carried on.  Got my works website, all photoshopped out, now i just need to upload.  But unfortunatly my internet, laptop and the server that half my sites are on…reallly do not like each other.   Went in the gym and invited my brother along, just so i would have some sort of company and he didnt bloody talk what-so-ever.  So we had a massive argument then.

Then i went in the shower, and just got seriously depressed, and starting thinking about really awful things about life.  Mum is all like you should text your friends, which i have done, but i dont want to be like all over them.  I texted one, and was like we need to go out…and she replied saying yes we do…but since then i havn’t seen or heard from her. The summer is gonna end, and i am not going to have any goals accomplished. I was thinking about the futute and my un-employability right now.  I had tonnes of confidence in primary and the start of secondary school.  By the end, and college itr has just shot down, and im scared that when i go back to uni im just gonna be the quiet little mouse.

I personally hate when people are like that to me.  Every weekend dad is always like why dont go out with your schoolfriends….the truth is i dont have any after everything that happened.  Then i go on facebook and see my other friends going out and having fun, and im like ‘why isnt this me?’.  Then, when they do ask me out its gonna be like a weeks notice and im not gonna be able to get it off work, because i work thursday nights…which is the student night around here.  Then, people are like why dont you get a taxi?  It costs over £20 to get back…and i have to get there first..

Recently, a new girl started work.  She is pretty, confident, has a boyfriend, goes out.  Shes everything i want to be, and she was asking me about when i go out, and boyfriends.  I was just like, nope and no boyfriend either.  Then everything went silent.  I am way too picky, i will admit it and I really do have trust issues.  We were talking about our uni houses, and of course they found a house that had all the same size rooms, so no-one has to have the cupboard room.  Right now, to be honest..i really couldnt care what room i get.

All i wanna do is meet up with friends and have fun.  I thought with not having my other summer job i would be able to do this.  But, everyone is in there own little worlds with their fucking boyfriends, and uni friends.  Where are my friends? and pleasee can i just stop crying.

I swear im gonna be the weird little old lady, when im older.  that everyone thinks is weird and keeps away from.

I was gonna write loads…then i wasn’t and now i might possibly write quite alot.

So, it under a week until it my dads birthday and we are having a massive party. I do think my dad likes a good party.  There is over 130 guests, plus who me and my wee brother have asked.  Then there is a band (and im not talking a shitty slow band, the lead singer is a friend of my dads) and they are gonna play some killers ( ) im happy about this, as we have a jukebox as well and i couldn’t get any killers what-so-ever …i wanted to cry.

So, anyway as you maybe can tell i want to do a tonne of things this summer.  For that past two summers i had a summer job, at an IT company, programmng.  I dislike programming with a passion, even coding.  I did that 5 days a week for most of my summer, so this year i have decided that i would just work part time (at the pub near me…i have been there 6 years already.) and then at home im gonna to do odd jobs for my parents, meet up with people and hopefully do some work from home.  I am already working on a website for my uncles, using flash.  Im just doing an animation for the start of the website, something like this at the moment.

erm, im not sure what else i want to say right now.  Oh actually one more thing….i really miss my uni friends and the random shenanigans/conversations we have. :?  You think Im crazy but i do….

I also believe that the job i had an interview yesterday i did not get.  But, one of my friends who admitted he lied on the application (lied, or stretched the truth) did get a job.  I have fucking 6 years experience and what did he have?  like 2.

Then this morning i got a phone call to say that two lambs were out on the road, on this bad corner and then as soon as i put the phone down someone came to the door to tell me the same. So i went outside, couldn’t decide to walk up there or get my car. Walking probably involved getting run over. So i g my car and drove up there and was just about to pull in to a gateway when i ran over i hidded stone, which didnt actually scrape my car, it car almost jumped and stopped.

So i reversed back into another gateway, rescused the lambs and drove slowly back home. Now my oil light is on and my car sounds like it has a bad wheezy constant cough.  I need my car this weekend, and i also need to drive back 3 hours to university on sunday.

FML

So anyway, one of the first things my parents said to me when i got back was that i should lose some weight and the next thing was that i had bad skin (not that bad seriously, its not noticeable unless, you look at my neck close up).  So, anyway both of these i know about, because well you know yourself dont you? Someone doesn’t need to point these imperfections out to you, do they?  Imperfections to them, could be the last straw for you.  They could mean, life or death, love or heartbreak, happiness and the other one.

I didn’t need my parents to point these out to me, this is me and i do know my body, nearly every centimetre of it.  The fact the pointed these out, has now made it so that my brother is turned into a slight bully.  My face isnt that spotty that astronauts may mistake it as the moon, and neither am i obese.  I’ve just been at university, living off noodles and pizza, i should learn to cook more, i know.

…and for the next two weeks, im going to sort this out…or make a start, not because of a parents, but because i want to, and did before they said anything.

I decided definatly a few months ago, if not a few years ago.  That I am, who I am, and no-one can change this.  I think this is the same for everyone, while people might come to me for advice…for some reason… (whether what i give is what they want, i do try to answer honestly…well i will from now on) Im not going to force them to do this, that isn’t me.  We shouldn’t change ourselves for others around us, they should learn to love us the way we are.  Just because someone wanted to hang out/chat with someone that you hate, you shouldn’t hate on them for this.  You can’t keep your best/boy/girl friend locked up, you would end up just wanting to kill them (well i would) this isn’t fair on them, you, those around you and their friends. So for fucks sake, live you lifes people. If people want to change you, ditch them, because they are obviously not worth keeping.  It may be hard, at first, but your real friends around will keep you….

miss you xxx

(you should know who i mean)