I also believe that the job i had an interview yesterday i did not get.  But, one of my friends who admitted he lied on the application (lied, or stretched the truth) did get a job.  I have fucking 6 years experience and what did he have?  like 2.

Then this morning i got a phone call to say that two lambs were out on the road, on this bad corner and then as soon as i put the phone down someone came to the door to tell me the same. So i went outside, couldn’t decide to walk up there or get my car. Walking probably involved getting run over. So i g my car and drove up there and was just about to pull in to a gateway when i ran over i hidded stone, which didnt actually scrape my car, it car almost jumped and stopped.

So i reversed back into another gateway, rescused the lambs and drove slowly back home. Now my oil light is on and my car sounds like it has a bad wheezy constant cough.  I need my car this weekend, and i also need to drive back 3 hours to university on sunday.

FML

So anyway, one of the first things my parents said to me when i got back was that i should lose some weight and the next thing was that i had bad skin (not that bad seriously, its not noticeable unless, you look at my neck close up).  So, anyway both of these i know about, because well you know yourself dont you? Someone doesn’t need to point these imperfections out to you, do they?  Imperfections to them, could be the last straw for you.  They could mean, life or death, love or heartbreak, happiness and the other one.

I didn’t need my parents to point these out to me, this is me and i do know my body, nearly every centimetre of it.  The fact the pointed these out, has now made it so that my brother is turned into a slight bully.  My face isnt that spotty that astronauts may mistake it as the moon, and neither am i obese.  I’ve just been at university, living off noodles and pizza, i should learn to cook more, i know.

…and for the next two weeks, im going to sort this out…or make a start, not because of a parents, but because i want to, and did before they said anything.

I decided definatly a few months ago, if not a few years ago.  That I am, who I am, and no-one can change this.  I think this is the same for everyone, while people might come to me for advice…for some reason… (whether what i give is what they want, i do try to answer honestly…well i will from now on) Im not going to force them to do this, that isn’t me.  We shouldn’t change ourselves for others around us, they should learn to love us the way we are.  Just because someone wanted to hang out/chat with someone that you hate, you shouldn’t hate on them for this.  You can’t keep your best/boy/girl friend locked up, you would end up just wanting to kill them (well i would) this isn’t fair on them, you, those around you and their friends. So for fucks sake, live you lifes people. If people want to change you, ditch them, because they are obviously not worth keeping.  It may be hard, at first, but your real friends around will keep you….

miss you xxx

(you should know who i mean)

No, i dont feel sex-deprived, i feel more like ‘love’ deprived. I am a quite person, so no taking me round the student union just checking out the boys, is not something i enjoy (although thanks for the thought).  It’s stupid and really not going to get me anywhere, but i would prefer just for some really nice, drop-dead gorgeous guy just to walk up to me and .. be interested and not feel forced to talk to me.  Someone, who doesn’t walk up to me, dance with me for 2 minutes and then try and snog my face off (yes, it has happened….and no it wasn’t nice, and he wasn’t even good-lucking).

I feel sort of left out when it comes to conversations about boyfriends, but then sometimes… i really don’t want to know some information because it just pisses me off to the maxx, because people expect me to say the right thing….but i reality I’m am going to give you the ‘19 and single‘ response, which currently includes- something about alcohol, a girly night or dancing.  I’m not saying, ‘just …shut up about boyfriends’  because that will make you sad, because i points im guessing you like talking about them, as they are something you love.  But, I already feel bad about being single as it is.

I’m not a lesbian, or bi and to be honest i don’t intend to be either.  I don’t have anything against you guys….i just don’t see myself being …But, currently i feel that i have failed in life. Three years ago, i ‘accidently ‘ turned someone down, not even realising that, so is this how life is paying me back, hmm.  Well, please give me another chance, and life if you really like me and know me….you will know what to do.  Things would be alot easier if i wasn’t such a quiet person, but my past has made me this way, and i think my family have moulded it into me (not just my parents and brother either, like cousins etc).

The truth is that of anyone i can think of right now.  There has only one person, who has made me feel good about myself.  They have never made joke on me, ignored me or left me out.  It was like probably less than 30 minutes i have spent, without any friend near by to yank me away.  To me it was genuine, despite the amount of alcohol we both had consumed, I probably will never know about him.  But those 30 minutes, contain some of my favourite memories, in that time- i didn’t care about those around me, what they thought, what they were doing.  Now, i don’t think i can get that back, i had it for a moment and let it go. 

I want something like that again, probably with someone my (girl)friends actually approve of, as now basically they have declared themselves as boygaurds….even though they dont really come into action when needed.  Or maybe the same person again, and just listen to that little devil….now im going loopy again. Im not someone who will just sleep with some, i would rather get to know them first… I WANT SOMEONE TO JUST (BASICALLY) WALK UP TO ME, CHAT, DANCE AND WANT TO LIKE ME…..

Who knew love would be so hard, or just the tiniest stab of some would be.  There are moments of my day when i just randomly think of people and then, shake myself out of that thought because they are long gone…figments of memories.  Okay, now looking back i wish i had played things differently, especially recently. When I need body-guards/life-coaches (evil-devils and shoulders that once in a while i should listen too), i dont have them and when i don’t want them……

Tomorrow, my friends are going to see this and be like, ‘oh fay!’ I know, but really, no-one can give me a decent enough answer or give me a solution that i like.

I feel like i am a picky-bitch, when it come to guys….or someone has told me that i am too good for all the guys i know.

I cannot be like this all the time, can I?

Im so annoyed….

• my personal got deleted before i got to back it up
• uni  work takes up my life and when i do get free time, the last thing i want to do is look at another computer screen.
• by the time i have written up my lectures, i never have time to actually do the assignments and give them the care that they actually need.
• in some of my lectures i could be sat next to people but they choose not to turn up or go to another one…yes you know who you are.
• shitty flatmates decide to have arguments at 12.30 at night when i want to sleep.
• i try and go to sleep at 11 in the end it is usually 1 because of flatmates and geeky guys below
• people decide to lock themselves in their rooms and we never see them for the whole weekend…..you could just like text us to say your still alive
• it took a week for our cooker to be fixed
• none of my friends from home have come to visit me
• people keep trying to rub the ‘going home thing in’, when really i couldnt give a shit
• the dwarf, small, pixie thing is getting very old…yes i know im short but shut the fuck up
• charlotte is pissing me off!!!!!! i could not give a fuck whether you have never driven on the motorway or that you got lost on the way back from the supermarket, because satnav got confused.
• my brother is acting like i dont exist
• my mum never comments on anything i do
• there is only 4 more weeks left of this semester, which means we only have 20 more weeks of uni
• a girl is annoying me in my tutorials, just ‘cos she thinks she knows everything
• a guy is annoying me because he also thinks he knows everything..and dresses like a pimp but is infact really ugly
• im single…stilll and this is making me annoyed because now once again i am the only single girl in our flat and the university has alot of guys….over half of them have probably never seen a real girl…oh yeah and BTW im really happy that two of my uni friends got together..but…sometimes STOP
• …oh yeah and dont get me started on some poeple getting moody cos they haven’t had ‘any’ in a month or whatever..how do you think i feel?
• I DONT LIKE BEING IGNORED…OR LEFT OUT OF THINGS
• i can’t find the funny thing about icecream and guys, a friend showed me.
  
• at this moment in time i really want to play Halo and shoot some people!!!
• im sick of frigging noodles, rice and pasta
• i wish people would clean up after themselves
• just got two new lecturers and they are the freakiest and by the time i understand them..i will have finished the module
• how some people can come to half of the lectures we are supposed to and still get more marks in the tests
• i tried hree pairs of jeans on this morning, the first two were tooo tight