I haven’t made a list blog in ages, i did a things i love sometime 2 months ago, but right now im not really loving much so there.  So lets just have 10 things for random things….

things i would say to people

1. Did you get my email?  I won’t send anymore, not knowing whether you read them, deleted them, or just blocked my address hurts too much.  If i could speak to anyone right now it would be you, just for a nice catch up chat like we used to when we were drunk. Even after people telling me to forget you, move on, I am…but i just want to be friends again.   Then maybe i will actually move on, as right now, I just hurt alot.
2. stop freaking ringing me.  once a week is quite enough
3. stop being a cunt, about the thing i forgot.  I said I’m sorry, i think i can be let off with what was happening, around me
4. please make me some food, i hate my cooking.  annnnd please take me out so i can get really drunk
5. awww fish finger friday, tomorrow.  YES
6. oh hello, remember me … your college friend?
7. urgh yeah, ill do it this weekend. my laptop did just die and i lost everything  and our internet died
8. Im not usually this much of a mess.  I just don’t have the energy, time or anything to tidy my room
9. Come visits me.  I will come and see you sometime
10. haha, that made my day.  you just falling down the stairs.  now im not the only one

Things I miss

1. i freaking miss people (those i talked to everyday, or at least twice a week)  so much.  Some of these, alot more than others and i don’t know what to do…. I feel so lonely, and they just think im having a ball here and don’t seem to give two shits.
2. I just miss talking to people, and being able to randomly say things without people thinking…’oh shes a bit weird’
3. Stafford- what i would do to be at welcome week. Being closer to everyone, going out more regularly and just making a fool of myself
4. mums cooking
5. having lie-ins through the week
6. getting dressed up and just dancing like a mad person
7. not having so much work to do.  Like job and freelance.
8. not being so moody, sad and emotional.  where did happy, fun fay go?
9. KISSES AND KISSING
10. having the energy to do anything.  honestly has taken me nearly two month to shave my legs.  I just thought…well no-one is coming that close to me anytime soon.

Random Facts

1. Having major problems sleeping.  Last night, got 6 hours (i usually like 9), i wake up at stupid times and think its time to get up when i have another 2 hours to sleep or 30 minutes.
2. Freaking lurve showers, especially with loud music and singing…my housemates love it too
3. lurve my bed, and when i actually do get i decent nights sleep.  Not as comfy, or warm as last years stafford bed, but bigger.  These days i get home from work and just get in bed for an hour or something.  I think my close friends pretty much know me for having many pillows and cushions and having a warm bed
4. most of my favourite films make me cry (like bucket loads) just because they are sad.  So i generally don’t watch them with anyone ever, or distract myself.
5. i don’t like change
6. lately, i cry at everything and absolutely everything.  Usually, I’m trying to get to sleep, and it like someone just put a sheet of sadness over me.  :cry:  its weird. I even cried at jersey shore earlier….but i suppose sammi did just leave and properly break up with ronnie
7. I like buying presents.  Generally, i but lots of small things, instead of one big thing.  Thats how i like my presents.
8. Haven’t eaten properly in ages, just can’t eat.  Feel sick, but i want to eat.
9. I make lists (i do have a photo, but i need my cable back) currently i have three lists in my room, and one current one for work.  I also have a notice board with important things to me.  Passwords, old cinema tickets…things people have said to me and i had to write down.
10. Very soon i will be living with 6 other people (currently only 3) these include 2 theatre females with boyfriends, 1 geography guy, 1 art guy with a girlfriend and 2 history guys, who like weed, 1 has a girlfriend.

Films (all time..no order)

italics make me cry/could if im in a certain mood.  The top 3, i literally cry bucket loads, every time…gaurunteed

1. pearl harbour
2. armageddon
3. ladder 49
4. the young victoria
5. friends with benefits
6. sucker punch
7. day after tomorrow
8. shes the man
9. easy a
10. princess diaries

Music (right now…no order)

1. rihanna – cheers
2. david guetta and  usher   – missing you
3. jessie j – who’s laughing now
4. gym class heroes featuring adam levine – stereo hearts
5. nicole scherzinger -wet
6. Dev – in the dark
7. maroon 5 – moves like jagger
8. skyler grey – invisible
9. one direction – what makes you beautiful   (but they are cuties)
10. pixie lott – all about tonight
11. bruno mars – marry you

TV (no order)

1. Rookie blue
2. one tree hill
3. how i met your mother
4. greys anatomy
5. true blood
6. pretty little liars
7. dont tell the bride
8. casualty
9. miranda
10. vampire diaries

Best feelings in the world?  Right now would be getting home, dropping everything, taking shoes off, taking tights off, getting into PJs and just getting into bed.  Freaking love my bed in Reading.  Legit best bed.  I just get in, I don’t close the door, (unless im properly sleeping at night) you never know when someone might want you.  I did it all through university, whenever i was angry, felt down, i got in bed.  No-one gets hurt, easy.  Want another nice thing?  Just lying in bed with someone you like alot. Not doing anything sexual, just lying, staring, smiling (or ‘beaming’).  I miss doing that so freaking much.  Maybe that is why i spend so much in my bed, these days.

So, I need to explain something i said in my last post.  Friends with Benefits.  No one of my friends need to worry (as most are female)  im seriously not going to go all Black Swan/lesbian on you.  One of my friends, kinda broke up with this guy.  Well he broke up with her, he’s not really a looker (in fact i mentioned its a good job some of his profile pictures were cartoons) lives on a tiny island somewhere and only comes to england every month or so.  So anyway, first night she met him, she slept with him….she’s doing everything backwards apparently.  So they broke up maybe a month ago, she went out last week sometime, met a guy (who is slightly more good-looking…and is at least closer to her age) and is going out with him sometime.  Meanwhile, island guy has been in contact.  He’s coming to england again, and wanted to know if he could stay with my friend.  She replied with something, along the lines of ‘if you do, i know what I want’.  And apparently, she said she doesn’t want friends with benefits…..erm? so? what is she doing……..oh wait having a whinge at me, saying she doesn’t know what to do.  I don’t know why she is?  If only a had a predicament like this.  But no, nothing is never like that in my life.

So on monday when i went to my desk, stanley (my co-worker peep…who i did call a male gigalo to his face) was sat next to my desk as usual.  Asked about my week away, commented on my hair, apparently I looked good…my eyes weren’t puffy, (not that i really thought they were, when i last arrived to work) and then in a surprised tone he goes ‘and you have lost weight.’  Do people really notice that stuff?  My mums friend always did.  Me, I only notice big differences.  But yes, I have.  Went internet shopping, to buy jeans, and shorts (Yes shorts, shock…need to have a sort out what i can wear with them) and i had to take them back to the shop and buy smaller sizes. 

anyway this post has bed stuck in my drafts for nearly a week with all my life and technology problems. We now have no internet, so this is being published via BlackBerry. I have another post in my drafts which will either be emailed or password protected. I honestly hate my life right now. A month ago I was happy, wouldn’t stop talking. Loved everyone. Now, struggling. Anything sets me off crying, I fix my laptop then, our internet breaks. People keep dropping out of my life, and I’m just freaking depressed all the time. I don’t think it helps that most people in my house have boyfriends/girlfriends or people they have known for a while, so they can easily have chats. I just want to move on, be friends with everyone, not feel so freaking lonely all time and once again feel loved.