I was totally going to do another videoblog again, but I feel so ill, and look like I have been dragged through a hedge backwards.  Typing is safer.  But I do provide pictures.

I actually feel like I am dying right now.  Never have I felt so ill in all my life.   I think its the pills I’m on, I swear they make my moods worse, and all pain is like doubled. For the past two days my stomach is killing me so much, I’ve taken ‘extra power’ pain reliever tablets…not working! Yesterday, I got home to practically i house full of strangers, all i wanted to do was eat… then I felt ill, and had a tonne of work to do, which took my mind off things.  Today I come home and feel like Im dying and was in bed for two hours. My housemate alex, just asked me if i have enough drugs…and i was like ‘yeah’.. then he went, ‘no, i mean paracetamol’.  I was totally talking about paracetamol etc.   not sure about him.  His accent made me slightly better, he’s welsh…welsh and irish accents are n iiiiceee!  My friends (and probably housemates) will kill me, but all I want to is A) stay in bed, and B) talk to someone i miss alot…i shouldn’t do, but I’m me.  Recently, when one of my new housemates asked another (who i have lived with since the end of june) what they thought of me, she apparently said she loved me, because i buy toilet roll and stack it in pyramids  :D  which i do. But I think what the general thought was, that I am the nicest person in the world.  Over my 20 years of living (admittedly at least 2-3 I may have been slightly child-like) multiple people say I am the nicest person in the world, and that they are lucky to know me.  I just wish, someone would turn the fuck around and treat me the same way and help me the same as I did to them. Staying in bed is only going to slightly make me feel better. Its been nearly a month, and while at first I thought I could cope.  Now, I can’t.  Seriously, hurting me so bad right now.  I was told if i ever wanted to talk, to email, I do…and so far nothing.  I feel so run down, it’s unreal…what else do I need to do to get my message across.  I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE.

So I go swimming usually twice a week, (maybe not this week though…as I usually go tonight, and then thursday…which I am meant to be going out the week-with probably my guy housemates).  I swim around 30-34 lengths each time, which is about the same as what i did once a week for my gold swimming award thing.  But last time, I went swimming weird things happened.  So there I was swimming along, and over in one of the lanes for fast swimmers there is a woman, not the most athletic of people and she was walking/jogging along the lane…no joke.  Doing nothing with her arms, just plodding along in a lane.  I swim a few more lengths, then suddenly some woman appears swimming directly in front of me..coming at me.  Now surely if i was in that invisible fake lane firs,t it would be common courtesy to go swim somewhere else. Like one of the real lanes like she does, after i have stop in the middle of the swimming pool, shimmy over and let her carry on swimming her length.  I carry on swimming and then I have to get and and get my inhaler from my locker. The current swimming pool i go to has no shower stalls, its has like 3 showers in to the side of the changing rooms…just as you come round the corner from the pool.  So I walk round the corner, and there in front of me in the shower completly naked, is the not so athletic woman showering …completely butt naked.  Luckily, (for once) she was bent over looking at her feet for some reason…so I didn’t burn my eyes.  But still, she was still naked, in open showers, anyone could come round the corner.

The above pictures show, A) why I should not shop alone, B) what happens when im depressed, C) when I have no-one to spend money on.  If you click on the pictures they get bigger. Pictures:

1. new nail art things- licource alsort cnae things, glitter nail polish with a thin brush and some stripe tape in pink, purple and silver
2. my buys when i go shopping with someone.  Technically, when I go shopping with guys I buy nothing/not that much/not certain items
3. my spree over the weekend- new wonder woman PJs, new bag, 5 pairs of pants, foot cream, 4 work/going out tops, nail polish, lip balm, coverup, and a scart plug.

 (1 hour later): Don’t worry, I have now had a shower, and a phonecall and I feel alot better :)  At first, I couldn’t think of what to say. and was like,’ urgh, erm…..’  *shock*  But, I honestly can’t explain how happier I feel now.  Even if my stomach is still killing me.

So finally I made the long awaited video which was due back March/april time.  Yes, I did kinda just get out of the shower…no my hair isnt just stupidly greased up…like a non-showering goth….or just generally someone who doesn’t shower.  In real life, i do talk louder, clearer and alot less scatty.. but some housmates are in bed, and I did slghtly get emotional…which i was trying really hard not to do.  Isn’t my webcam quality just fucking amazing? …. and i couldn’t think of anything interesting to say and refuse to watch it back to hear what I actually do say.

The image on the right is me, in one of my many new dresses, I bought recently, it is also the only nice-ish picture of me, i have a habit of making strange faces or closing my eyes.  My hair is shockingly a mess, and i would say this is the last known picture of me before things go dark. But is not the dress, that i bought (in august) for someones birthday which i never got invited too…that dress is now HUGE on me and extremely orange.  I would show you pictures of the other dresses but i look weird in them…the pictures….if you must know…one has a black skirt, with a pink, green and red stripey top, and the other is blue/denim colour, with a belt and wide skirt….i dont really know how to explain.

I also recently found more images on my camera, ones from the end of my 2nd year, some of which i wish i found earlier for facebook profile pictures, because I (well everyone i am with) look really happy in them. Took me back to some good times/people that i miss alot.

link for the weird, walmart song, i clean trust me….just alot of ass shaking really. Oh and also here is a video to describe everything right now, i just don’t cut myself or wear massive boots:

PS. So craving kisses from someone now. Just want to be granted one night….with someone with my slutty side…. Haha