Excuse me while i have a bit of a depression moment.  Today, without doing anything today has been a seriously shitty day.  Right now (well last night, as i just added this this morning….i decided to ban myself from the internet last night.) I have had to revert to watching the princess diaries, im hoping itll make me feel alot better.

So, anyway my dad decided that he had to shout me out of bed this morning.  Apparently, being 19 doesn’t give you the luxury on deciding when you can get out of bed.  Its not like i stay in bed till 10, im always up and out of bed by 9, im awake by half 8.  But i just lay and watch tv and wake up properly.  I can’t just set my alarm, and get up out of bed at that time.  I just feel shit all day.  So then, me and dad had a argument, about him waking me up in the morning.  Seriously, if he just let me get up he could add like another hour onto his day….and would get alot more done.

So, the day carried on.  Got my works website, all photoshopped out, now i just need to upload.  But unfortunatly my internet, laptop and the server that half my sites are on…reallly do not like each other.   Went in the gym and invited my brother along, just so i would have some sort of company and he didnt bloody talk what-so-ever.  So we had a massive argument then.

Then i went in the shower, and just got seriously depressed, and starting thinking about really awful things about life.  Mum is all like you should text your friends, which i have done, but i dont want to be like all over them.  I texted one, and was like we need to go out…and she replied saying yes we do…but since then i havn’t seen or heard from her. The summer is gonna end, and i am not going to have any goals accomplished. I was thinking about the futute and my un-employability right now.  I had tonnes of confidence in primary and the start of secondary school.  By the end, and college itr has just shot down, and im scared that when i go back to uni im just gonna be the quiet little mouse.

I personally hate when people are like that to me.  Every weekend dad is always like why dont go out with your schoolfriends….the truth is i dont have any after everything that happened.  Then i go on facebook and see my other friends going out and having fun, and im like ‘why isnt this me?’.  Then, when they do ask me out its gonna be like a weeks notice and im not gonna be able to get it off work, because i work thursday nights…which is the student night around here.  Then, people are like why dont you get a taxi?  It costs over £20 to get back…and i have to get there first..

Recently, a new girl started work.  She is pretty, confident, has a boyfriend, goes out.  Shes everything i want to be, and she was asking me about when i go out, and boyfriends.  I was just like, nope and no boyfriend either.  Then everything went silent.  I am way too picky, i will admit it and I really do have trust issues.  We were talking about our uni houses, and of course they found a house that had all the same size rooms, so no-one has to have the cupboard room.  Right now, to be honest..i really couldnt care what room i get.

All i wanna do is meet up with friends and have fun.  I thought with not having my other summer job i would be able to do this.  But, everyone is in there own little worlds with their fucking boyfriends, and uni friends.  Where are my friends? and pleasee can i just stop crying.

I swear im gonna be the weird little old lady, when im older.  that everyone thinks is weird and keeps away from.

Tags: depressed.com, family, fml, summer