While other uni friends are have boyfriends (or maybe i should say partners), right now i feel left out more than ever.  I kinda feel like one of the boys next door.  Right, now i think they feel sex-deprived and over all there is a lack of ‘nice’ girls for them to choose from really here.  Apart, from crazy me anyway.,…and I’ll be honest they are like brothers…family to me.  Some of which i wouldn’t touch with a barge-pole (if you know what i mean).  When i decided to come to this university and study this course i knew it would be geek central, the truth it that finding a nice guy is probably the same as trying to find a girl at all here. 

No, i dont feel sex-deprived, i feel more like ‘love’ deprived. I am a quite person, so no taking me round the student union just checking out the boys, is not something i enjoy (although thanks for the thought).  It’s stupid and really not going to get me anywhere, but i would prefer just for some really nice, drop-dead gorgeous guy just to walk up to me and .. be interested and not feel forced to talk to me.  Someone, who doesn’t walk up to me, dance with me for 2 minutes and then try and snog my face off (yes, it has happened….and no it wasn’t nice, and he wasn’t even good-lucking).

I feel sort of left out when it comes to conversations about boyfriends, but then sometimes… i really don’t want to know some information because it just pisses me off to the maxx, because people expect me to say the right thing….but i reality I’m am going to give you the ‘19 and single‘ response, which currently includes- something about alcohol, a girly night or dancing.  I’m not saying, ‘just …shut up about boyfriends’  because that will make you sad, because i points im guessing you like talking about them, as they are something you love.  But, I already feel bad about being single as it is.

I’m not a lesbian, or bi and to be honest i don’t intend to be either.  I don’t have anything against you guys….i just don’t see myself being …But, currently i feel that i have failed in life. Three years ago, i ‘accidently ‘ turned someone down, not even realising that, so is this how life is paying me back, hmm.  Well, please give me another chance, and life if you really like me and know me….you will know what to do.  Things would be alot easier if i wasn’t such a quiet person, but my past has made me this way, and i think my family have moulded it into me (not just my parents and brother either, like cousins etc).

The truth is that of anyone i can think of right now.  There has only one person, who has made me feel good about myself.  They have never made joke on me, ignored me or left me out.  It was like probably less than 30 minutes i have spent, without any friend near by to yank me away.  To me it was genuine, despite the amount of alcohol we both had consumed, I probably will never know about him.  But those 30 minutes, contain some of my favourite memories, in that time- i didn’t care about those around me, what they thought, what they were doing.  Now, i don’t think i can get that back, i had it for a moment and let it go. 

I want something like that again, probably with someone my (girl)friends actually approve of, as now basically they have declared themselves as boygaurds….even though they dont really come into action when needed.  Or maybe the same person again, and just listen to that little devil….now im going loopy again. Im not someone who will just sleep with some, i would rather get to know them first… I WANT SOMEONE TO JUST (BASICALLY) WALK UP TO ME, CHAT, DANCE AND WANT TO LIKE ME…..

Who knew love would be so hard, or just the tiniest stab of some would be.  There are moments of my day when i just randomly think of people and then, shake myself out of that thought because they are long gone…figments of memories.  Okay, now looking back i wish i had played things differently, especially recently. When I need body-guards/life-coaches (evil-devils and shoulders that once in a while i should listen too), i dont have them and when i don’t want them……

Tomorrow, my friends are going to see this and be like, ‘oh fay!’ I know, but really, no-one can give me a decent enough answer or give me a solution that i like.

I feel like i am a picky-bitch, when it come to guys….or someone has told me that i am too good for all the guys i know.

I cannot be like this all the time, can I?

Tags: annoyed, goals, happy, people, uni